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I lifted up the hem of my slip and skirt, high enough to keep them dry, perhaps higher than needed but also low enough to cover my panties. I sampled the water a few moments longer before turning quickly around and returning to our blanket. As I suspected, I noticed several men quickly glance away. They had a notion that I was about to strip and this had grabbed their attention far more than the already naked female bodies nearby. I returned to my husband and mentioned in a voice loud enough to carry, that the water felt wonderful. While standing, and still facing most of the beach crowd I dropped my pantyhose and then slowly removed my earrings. I placed them in my jacket pocket which I then removed the jacket and placed on the blanket. With deliberate hesitation, I removed my belt and then pulled my blouse loose from my skirt and slowly began to unbutton it from bottom to top. When the last button was undone, I let it fall open to reveal my bra and then reached down and leisurely. No one ever taught me shit. I’ve learned it all on my own, the hard way. I’ve never been to Europe or the Bahamas or anywhere really and I probably never will. I am bitter. Of course my girlhood wasn’t all bad. I remember something of happiness but it reaches me through the drift of so many awful years that it’s stained and I despise the mindless happiness of myself as a child and of all children. I kept for many years the sincere belief that the world couldn’t possibly be as bad as adults kept saying it was. It turned out to be true but it’s also true that they only tell you that in order to frighten and control you and I knew this and that knowledge kept me from believing it was true. You never get rid of these thoughts you know? You have them every single day, you struggle with them. They take you over sometimes so that you forget where you are and what you’re doing. They eat away at you from within and so you drink, you smoke, you snort, you fuck, and in the morning your face is.
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